Ideas and Musings

Unpacking the Freeze

Glacier

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist Nun with a Dominatrix? You get Kasia Urbaniak and the Academy of Power.

Now that I have your attention…

Yes, I’ll give you more information on Kasia and her school but that’s not quite the focus of this post. No, this post is more about the extrapolations I’ve made based on one of the many concepts she teaches called “the Freeze.”

Like so many women out there, and many men, I do a lot of internal struggling with grandiose questions.

Who am I?

Why can’t I get ahead in life?

What do I have to do to become my best self?

Who do I have to fuck to get what I want?

What the fuck do I want anyway?

Should I feel bad for wanting what I want?

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…

Ad infinitum…

I’ll just sit here and think and moan and journal and be all angsty about it all.

I’m so done with that…

But first, let’s talk about Kasia.

Kasia Urbaniak

I first became aware of Kasia Urbaniak from a Crackbook ad. It was an ad about taking back women’s power. It called to me. But it also repulsed me because I really didn’t want to hear any more crying and screaming about men in general. I already had experienced a lot of trauma due to women in Seattle getting into groups and attacking individual men, holding them personally responsible for every bad thing that ever happened to them, and women in general, throughout all of history.

That’s not power. That’s not strength.

So, I was already motivated to stay away from women’s groups and classes based on that kind of crap.

But it kept calling to me.

Finally, I said to myself, “Karin, it’s a free class! If you don’t like it, just turn the fucking video off! This is not unsolvable problem!”

So, I took the class.

The first thing I found out was that she was a dominatrix. And not just a run-of-the-mill dominatrix (if there is such a thing), but a trainer of other dominatrix’. And not just a trainer of other dominatrix’, but she also had trained as a Zen Buddhist Nun.

Holy crap!

A woman who is actually grounded! And not only a woman who is actually grounded, but a powerful woman who dominates men. And a woman who not only dominates men, but one they keep coming back to for more!

A woman who actually understands men, for who and what they are!

Fucking finally!

Hells yeah I took that class! You can too by signing up for “Keys to Power” on her website.

https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/

It’s free. Just go take the class and make up your own mind.

The Freeze

The “Keys to Power” is centered on something Kasia calls “the Freeze.”

I’m not going to try and explain it all here, it’s Kasia’s baby, go take her class. I’m going to tell you just enough to give you information about how I extrapolated the idea. That’s it.

The Freeze, an example:

Have you ever been at a party, or any event, and someone, often a guy, comes up to you and says something wildly inappropriate?

Yeah, we women tend to get stopped in our tracks, get tongue-tied, and lose the ability to think.

We freeze.

As you found out in the class…

You did take the class, didn’t you?

Oh, for crying out loud…

Kasia teaches that when we freeze, we go inward. Going inward is not a position of power. Instead, we need to go outward. We go outward by throwing the energy back at him, with a question. She calls this “turning the spotlight.”

Example:

Him: Hey baby, want to go to my hotel room and get it on?

Her: Do you always just go up to random women asking that question? Does that question actually work?

I’m doing a terrible job of explaining it. Go take the class.

Anyhoo…

After the free class I signed up for the “Verbal Self-Defense Dojo” online class. It’s pretty pricey but she goes into more depth and there are drills where you can practice.

It took me a while to finish it because it can be rather triggering.

I really liked the drills and that brings me to my first extrapolation…

Practice Drills

The ones in the class were great but I figured that I could totally expand it and have a drill that’s not dependent on the class and available for me every day.

What I did was scour the internet looking for triggering, inappropriate, obscene and any other comment that is either really forthright in its rudeness, or that can be interpreted in multiple ways, including rude.

I took all those comments and made myself flash cards that I can shuffle and drill myself with. I must have about 80 of them.

For Example:

I’m in a group of people at an event and I just gave my opinion about something. Someone looks at me and says derisively…

“What are your credentials?”

I might say one of:

“Do you really believe a person needs to have a Master’s in Economics to have an opinion?”

“What kind of question is that anyway?”

“What are you really trying to ask me here?”

Practice Drills! So, when the apocalypse is finally over and I get to interact with other humans, I’ll be ready if they flip me any bullshit!

Or I can use it to be playful with them…

Improv

I can do practice drills with knuckleheaded comments, but I can do it with Improv as well! (I’m in the Rec League at ComedySportz.)

Once an improv is in progress, I’m okay. But starting the improv and coming up with ideas on the fly? Well, I tend to freeze there as well.

It’s the same bloody thing!

Something in me is going inward and losing power and I can’t find the idea or the words.

It’s annoying.

Why not use random generators and come up with CROW on the spot as a drill?

C – Character

R – Relationship

O – Objective

W – Where

I haven’t actually started this one yet since I’m trying to get used to breaking the Freeze with my other flash cards. But it’s coming. And I should start that soon because ComedySportz is slowly opening back up.

Health

I have a lot of health problems. I was going to list them here, but let’s just say, a lot of problems.

Like a lot of people, I tend to go inward when dealing with the problems. And yes, the problems are inside me, but is it powerful to deal with them this way?

I think not!

What I’m thinking is that even though my stomach is in my body. Why not deal with it like it’s outside of me?

I’ve had stomach problems for a long time. They are so bad that I don’t sleep very well anymore. In fact, I tend to sleep sitting up and I have to tell you, that does nothing for my spine!

What if I treated my stomach like a needy friend who is annoying me?

Example:

I’m sitting there, on my loveseat, minding my own business, quietly watching The Mentalist on Amazon Prime. Suddenly my stomach slams up into my chest cavity and I hear a crack. (Yeah, it was really scary)

My reaction might be one of:

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

“What are your really trying to say?”

“Do you really think that communicating with me by slamming into my chest cavity and cracking something is going to tell me what the problem is?”

What this does for me is I start asking questions, investigating those answers. Maybe finding more questions to ask.

I found out it was called a “hiatal hernia.”

This morning, I was up at about 4:30am again. I was so tired of sitting up, I removed one of my wedges (I have two) and laid back down. Immediately there was a thumping in my chest. My stomach was trying to go up in my chest cavity again. This is an every-night occurrence.

I realized that I had about 1.5 hours before I had to get up, so I started focusing on my stomach. I did two things:

  • Made it go back to its proper place
  • Relaxed it

It took about an hour, but the thumping stopped! I AM in control over my own body! I was determined to practice this multiple times during the day in the hope that it would get used to the new thing.

Then I was doing some of my voice exercises. (I’m moving into voiceover and taking classes.) I work on it every day. I noticed that when I do my voice exercises, for some unknown reason, I’m not just using my chest to make sound. No, my stomach was all in a twist trying to help me.

“What do you think you’re trying to do there?”

Well, it had no answer and I’m pretty sure that my stomach shouldn’t be as involved with my Italian accent as it currently is. So, now I’m also focused on only using my chest. I also suspect that it’s not just my stomach that’s trying to get into the game. I think my other organs are too and that’s one of the reasons I have so many problems!

Don’t look inward, Karin. Look outwards instead and be more powerful about it. It’s time to start finding the answers.

Women

Kasia focuses mainly on women dealing with men, but I have to tell you, as a Navy veteran, I usually don’t have trouble with men. Oh, they may try to play games with me, but they don’t generally get too inappropriate. Or if they do, it goes over my head because I expect a bit of naughtiness from them.

Women, on the other hand, are another story. I’ve been having a problem with them.

  • I really don’t like the packs of women attacking individual men.
  • I really don’t like the pressure to conform that women’s groups often exhibit.
  • I really don’t like the self-righteousness and shaming and blaming they often do, especially here in Seattle.

I take two walks every day. I try to meet people’s eyes so that we can all feel seen and validated.

Men are easy. Usually, they want to meet your eyes. They want to nod to you and to be nodded back at.

Women rarely meet eyes in this city. They march ahead with their chest out, sometimes forcing you off the path (because they think that’s powerful, maybe?), and don’t meet your eyes.

All I see is judgment. And I hate it. The masks make it worse. How can I tell if they’re actually a threat if I can’t see their faces?

I want to take them by the necks, give them a good shake, and scream, “HEY DUMBASS! SOCIAL DISTANCING DOESN’T IMPLY RUDENESS! RUDENESS WILL NOT KEEP YOU FROM GETTING COVID!”

Anyhoo, dealing with women can be hard.

I want to use these skills to stop any backhanded compliments, sideways attacks, manipulations, and any shaming and blaming. And to defend myself against self-righteousness.

The School of Power

I went to an online open house for her new book. Yes, Kasia has a book too. Here’s the link:

She was calling in from a private island in Hawaii. There were hundreds of women on the call, and Kasia said that there were over 10,000 women already in the community.

That’s a lot of women on their way to taking back their power! Without having to get into groups to attack anyone unreasonably!

She teased us with descriptions of classes coming up, but we weren’t allowed to sign up yet.

Such a dominatrix!

A couple of days later I got the email saying the classes were open. I clicked through to see the details.

Damn, she’s charging a lot!

At first, I was annoyed. So many women could use these tools! The world could change!

But then I thought about Kasia. The way she holds herself. The way she speaks. The way she talked about that private island in Hawaii.

I don’t know for certain, of course, but I suspect that Kasia has a great desire for luxury and comfort. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Although sometimes it seems like there is.

Especially here in Seattle, there’s something…unseemly… about wanting luxury and comfort. Many people pride themselves on getting everything they need from the Freecycle site, or the Goodwill. It’s a social status thing.

But really, I think we all, deep in our hearts, want luxury and comfort. I know I do.

My idea of luxury and comfort is not a private island though. The flight itself sounds stressful to me! But I think about how all my clothing has to be very soft, and brand new (cooties you know). How I get a Lyft ride whenever I’m tired rather than walking or taking the bus. My love of chocolate.

If I had the moola, those small things would probably change into bigger things. Or not… “I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.” (One Night In Bangkok)

One part of being powerful is knowing what you really want. And being unapologetic about it.

If Kasia gets %1 of her following to take all 4 classes, she’s doing really good. and odds are she’ll get more than %1 Plus, the book sales. And the other classes she offers online. (she offered a series of 4 mini-classes I signed up for) And who knows, I may end up taking the other classes in the future!

She’s going for what she wants, and that’s awesome. And inspiring.

And the rest of us who might not be able to afford the main classes? Well, I bet there are women in those classes who want to make new ideas available to the rest of us. It’s their calling, their desire. They’ll take what they learn, make it their own, and then pass it on.

Nothing lives in a vacuum.

This is happening, and it will snowball.

Have you taken the free class yet? Well, what are you waiting for!

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