The Glorious and Honorific IE9

Dear Microsoft,

I have just upgraded to IE9 and I feel called to write you in order to express my divine gratitude for IE9 and for all the work that you do at Microsoft.  I feel so blessed and honored to use your products.

I really appreciate that you put the upgrade into the important software updates category.  I know that for myself, I don’t always do what’s best for me and my computer.  I often look at the software updates with suspicion, especially when they are optional updates.  Do I really need the update?  What will it to my system?  When I saw that it was considered an important update and that it was a part of the automatic update, already selected to be installed, I knew that this product would change my life for the better.  I allowed the update to happen with great happiness.

It was so exciting to open it up for the first time and surf the web.  Boy, is it fast.  It’s so fast that sometimes it gets ahead of itself and has to stop to a halt in order for it to catch up with itself.  I know, it’s very hard to sustain that kind of speed so I can see why it would have so much trouble keeping up.  I can totally see why I have to exit out of the application so often in order to get it to reset itself.  It’s no trouble at all to kill my process over and over in order to get the speed it can achieve.  And it’s integration is flawless, why when one tab becomes hung the other one does too.  Amazing technology!   Thank you so much.

It’s also exciting is that I get to help test it.  I’m a software tester who just couldn’t make it at your esteemed company.  I just don’t have what it takes to thrive in the Microsoft Culture.  So being allowed to help you test it is just thrilling, it’s like I’m back at your company!  I haven’t had this much fun since Word 2003 came out.  I found a lot of bugs in Word 2003 and I can’t wait to see what IE9 has in store for me.  You know us testers, we love to find bugs.  It’s our primary reason for living.  I haven’t even started really looking at it yet because I’m so enthused by having to kill IE9 after every couple of clicks.  There’s just so much material here, I’m astounded!  You have really given us testers a gift.

But do you know what’s really exciting?  I get to test our products with IE9!  That’s right!  Since computers all over the world are being updated automatically with IE9, we have to support it.  It makes me tingle just to think about it.  Not only do I get to help you find your bugs, but I also get to joyfully figure out whether the bugs I’m seeing in our product are your bugs or our bugs.  I’m bursting with lavish anticipation!  Thank you so much!  And to think that I thought that Firefox 4 was a treasure when I had to move the cursor continuously over the page to get the next page to load.  I was so sad when they trashed Firefox 4 and brought in Firefox 5, but you have made my day by coming in to take it’s place.  My work days will be so filled with happiness and joy, it’s like I’m working for you again.  I don’t think my level of joy is even appropriate at the office.

You have made my day.  I really appreciate the way you build software and I’m looking forward to the new IE9 updates.  I’ll be looking at my software update every hour, waiting impatiently for the new updates.  Thank you.