SEATTLE-St. Patrick’s Day has been known for “amateur” partiers ending up going to the hospital due to drinking too much, but this is the first time a grade school has sent it’s students to the ER due to a St. Patrick’s Day celebration. We have here Roger Evans, the kitchen manager at the school. Roger, just what did you serve those children? What was today’s menu?
“Today’s menu? Thank you for asking Sandy! As you know, feeding children is not just a job. It’s a calling! I don’t come into this industrial sized kitchen and just start throwing food around and call it lunch. I don’t drop food onto trays like it’s slop for pigs! I don’t secretly wish they would all die a horrible death by rat poison like many grade-school kitchen managers. No! Every day is an opportunity to help small minds become larger minds!
St. Paddy’s day is no exception! Everything you see before you is green! The magic of green food coloring! Milk? It’s green! Mashed Potatoes? Green! Pineapple upside down cake? Green! We had so much fun that the whole kitchen staff is covered in green!
Of course, with the green food coloring, I have found that the children do have a hard time knowing what they’re eating. Little Susie ate 5 helpings of potatoes hoping to get a piece of the cake. Little Johnny refused to eat at all citing a suspicion it was a hoax to make him eat broccoli. And Little Randy tried to take a bite out of Sally the Baker because he thought her green arm was a leg of lamb. Don’t worry, he didn’t break the skin.”
Sounds like you’re had a great time But things didn’t go exactly as planned, did it?
“What? Well, yes, there were a couple of incidents. I did run out of food coloring, but did I let that stop me? No! I took the opportunity to clean out the refrigerator and found a ton of food that was already naturally green! I still can’t believe that old meatball I found was so green I found myself wanting to smoke it. Did I just say that? Cancel Clear.
I found something that looked like old enchiladas, chicken, I think. They smelled okay. Some juice that looks like it’s high pulp kiwi juice. They’ll never know the difference. And, some broccoli that now looks like small balls of green donut-holes.
Yes, Johnny, I did serve you broccoli! The things I have to do to get children to eat their vegetables!
But all the affected children have been taken to the hospital. It did warm my heart to see all their faces turn green as they were loaded into the ambulances. Children really get into this holiday. They are just so engaged at this school! I’m tearing up now. <sniff> I love my job! Happy St. Paddy’s day!”
Well, there you have it! What might have been an attack on children has ended up being a typical St. Patrick’s Day celebration going awry, as per usual. We can only hope that all of our children’s schools have such a passionate cafeteria staff!