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Radical Group Demands Gibberish as National Language

SEATTLE-Emboldened by recent protests and other civic activity, the local Seattle branch of TrePooFA! (formerly “Use Your Words Properly”) have made several demands of Mayor Durkan earlier this week. The most controversial was the demand to change the official language of Seattle from English to Gibberish citing the English language as violent, non-inclusive and offensive.

According to the group’s leader, Paulie Renfeld, “Heecu! Pumaka doo doo!” Renfeld’s partner, Jazzy Sue told us, “Paulie is very committed to the change to Gibberish. She refuses to use any other language.” “Trumaya la bow wow fuggy pans ho! Goo nu rahba haha liky foo!” Jazzy Sue translates, “I’m very offended by the businesses of Seattle who don’t know Gibberish. I ordered a vegan burger yesterday and they gave me a grilled cheese with bacon.”

Says Julie of Seattle’s Home Eatin’ Café, “This is America. She should be speaking American! How am I supposed to know what she wants? She had the drool coming down from her mouth and normally that means someone is ready to indulge in our special bacon grilled cheese. So that’s what she got.”

Members of TrePooFA! have gathered at Seattle’s Home Eatin’ Café as the starting point of their march today, here are some of the things they have to say: “Potui ooyyeee falda boo!” “Wheeeeeee ga gaga ga roottie roo!” “VIGGI VU CEEE! VIGGI VU CEEE!”

Tensions are high as the TrePooFA! members start their march. Their target? Amazon headquarters, where they plan to petition Amazon to make Gibberish the official language of all books sold by Amazon. Members have been seen spray painting signs along the way, transforming them into more suitable and non-offensive language.

Says Bill, a local resident, “I don’t know Gibberish, yet, but I can understand the movement. The English language has so many offensive words and concepts. Gibberish has to be better.”

Arriving at Amazon Headquarters, Renfeld took the megaphone, “Hutya biton ya! La umy vremmmm! Oy tramip fula peepee oga boga reeeet!” as the MUTRKABI crowd cheered in agreement.

Jazzy Sue told us, “This is a good start. We need to reform language and it’s wonderful that everyone is so supportive. But it’s just a start. Next, we need to reform facial expressions and body language. So much of it is so offensive! And don’t get me started on tone of voice. It’s the one weak point of Gibberish.”

When asked, an Amazon spokesperson said, “Va Ploooy.” Jazzy Sue shook her head saying, “So offensive. This is a serious matter. We deserve respect.”

They are presenting a compelling picture of a new future and we are looking forward to seeing what happens next. Here’s a big “nipareoooh!” to you!