The Work

For the Love of Chaz

The following are two character monologues that came out of a character study I did after seeing a woman at a dance event.

Beth confronts her best friend, Angie.

I really don’t know why you can’t be more supportive, Angie.  I don’t know why you can’t see things from my point of view.  You have known me my whole life.  My whole life!  I was a mess before Chaz came around and you know it.  I had no will power, low self-esteem, and I weighed over 300 lbs.  Now I work out, feel a lot better about myself, and I’ve lost 27 lbs already.  Do you know why?  Because of Chaz.  He keeps me in check.  He is the most organized person I know and he has a complete plan for me.  He has me on an exercise schedule, he makes sure I eat only what I should be eating, he helps me with my clothes and my makeup.  Do you see this dress?  He picked it out for me.  He does it all and he’s good at it. It takes a lot to help someone as messed up as me and do you know why he does it?  Because he loves me and he wants me to be the best that I can be.  You may call this controlling but maybe a little control is what I need.  Maybe I need some self-discipline.  And I want it.  I want to be the best that I can be so that I’m a match for Chaz because I’m not right now.  I am not worthy of him.  Not by a long shot.  But I will be.  I wish you could see that.  I wish you would have faith in me.

Beth defends herself to her mother.

Mom, everything is fine.  It’s better than fine, it’s going perfectly according to plan.  Where is this coming from?  You wanted this for me.  You were my greatest supporter.  You understood because you went through it yourself.  Now you’re backtracking and telling me I’m too thin, are you even looking at me anymore?  LOOK AT ME!  Do you see this flab under my arms?  This is fat!  It’s fat that needs to go.  See my belly, how it sticks out?  I am fat.  And Chaz is never going to come back to me if I can’t show him that I have the self-discipline to better myself, to have control over my own body.  Why are you doing this?  Why are you saying that I’m skinnier than you are?  Look at us side by side.  You are much skinnier than I am.  You’re lying to me.  You’re trying to convince me of things that just aren’t true, even though the evidence is right there.  Are you trying to ruin my life?  Are you trying to keep me from Chaz?  He was the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life and neither you nor my utter lack of self-control is going to keep me from winning him back.

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