I don’t like to label myself so instead of saying that “I HAVE OCD”, I’m going to say that I exhibit OCD-like behaviors. Upon occasion. Under certain circumstances. Sometimes without even thinking about it. My OCD-like behavior is fairly mild. I watch the same movies or TV shows or I read the same books or listen to the same songs, over and over and over again. Hey, it’s not drugs. I’m not washing my hands every 5 minutes. My house isn’t nauseating
It was surreal, landing into LAX on Saturday. I was looking out the window and I didn’t really know where we were over the city. I kept thinking, oh, there’s the 405! But it wasn’t. Which way is north? Where is downtown? I thought I saw it and felt better about getting my bearings. Then there was another bunch of buildings that could be downtown. I’d forgotten how big this place actually is. This is the fifth time I’ve been to LA. The first time was a trip when I was 19. Me and my best friend Diane took a Greyhound bus all the way from Omaha. (a guy nicely asked Diane for a blow job)
“Opening a can of worms”….where does that come from anyway? So you open it up. They all get out and start wiggling around, going every which way. I guess that could be stressful. But they’re worms! They are moving at, like, 2 inches per hour or something ridiculous! Hell, you could go have a nap and come back and still be able to round up all the worms and put them back in the can. “oh come on sweet ‘ums, get back in the can for mommy…” So, did I open a can of worms? Why, yes, I did officer. I did it fully knowing that those crazy worms were going to GO WILD
I was on the elliptical machine at 24 Hour Fitness this morning, madly moving in place, contemplating my right to exist. I started doing what I always do. Whenever I start having thoughts that are very disturbing I try to find another way to think about them. I figure, well, if I can think about it like THIS, it won’t affect me as much as thinking about it like THAT. You know, how you use your words affect your reality….yadda yadda So there I am whirling away thinking “I have the right to exist. I have the right to exist.” Over and over. If I’d had one of those counters
What the hell? Don’t you wonder where people come up with this stuff? Well, I’ll tell you. BG and I were riding back from the Oregon Country Fair and having a discussion about men. Basically about how alien they actually are from us. We thought, you know, if we could just sit them down and ask them questions, maybe we’d be able to figure shit out! And we realized that we could do that. And we realized that other women are probably just as mystified and would want to listen in as well. The Exploring Men and Women in the Context of Relationships panel was born. We started thinking of who we wanted on the panel. We had general ideas…
Over three years ago, I had a “manic” episode and ended up in LA, with all my stuff, on my way to becoming a professional actor. Yeah, right. Sure I did. That’s what I wanted to do and I found enough faith the get me down there. When I got there I discovered just how ego bound I actually was. I told myself that I wanted to be a professional actor but my ego decided that I would be a STAR. Two very different things. And I was not a star. I couldn’t even function. I came back to Seattle a total wreck, my tail between my legs. And then I started to save my own life.